Women of Intention Week Thirteen: Cross-Generational Relationships/Mentorship

Welcome to week thirteen of the series, Women of Intention! We are almost finished the series and I'm so glad you've come along as we interview Women of Intention! For more information, and a list of topics, visit our introduction post HERE. 

---

THIS WEEK'S INTENTIONAL WOMAN:

Today, we are going to meet Nina of Journey to Adulting.

Today, she will be talking to us about cross-generational relationships and mentorship. This type of relationship, we don't usually talk of often, but it can play a huge role in our lives once intentionally pursued. 

After reading this post, be sure to check out Nina's blog and share this post :)

Find Nina on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

---

Tell us a bit about yourself: What are your passions, work and interests?

I'm Nina. If there’s one thing that I’m consistently drawn to, it’s the study of people. I love learning about what makes us tick as humans, how culture shapes us and how we interact with others; maybe that’s partly why I’m pursuing an MA in counselling. So here I am, I just really love talking, reading and blogging about everything related to these topics.                                         

You have interest in cross-generational relationships. Could you briefly talk about this and tell us why you think it important?

I cherish cross-generational relationships because I am always learning so much from those who are older than me. They have so much wisdom to share just by virtue of experience. Some time ago, I remember attending a meeting where I had to give a yearly report. Afterwards, some members of the committee and myself went out for dinner. I distinctly remember sitting at the restaurant and realizing that everyone at our table was at least 15-30 years older than me. Far from being uncomfortable, I had this strong impression that there is so much wisdom and experience at this table. It was in that moment that I decided to be very intentional about learning from them. As I listened carefully and observed them, I found myself learning valuable lessons through basic things like conversation, how they treated the servers and mingled with their colleagues. They weren’t even aware that they were teaching me anything, but I picked up on precious lessons from the 2 days we spent together. In those 2 short days, I learned things that a lifetime in the classroom won’t really teach you.

How could one intentionally begin this type of relationship?

First, you need to be intentional about who you choose. Seek out someone who you respect and want to emulate. Look for someone who has characteristics that you value. Is there an older person in your life who exudes courage and strength? Unswerving integrity? Leadership?

Then, find a way to spend time with them. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself, if you were them, what would you need? And then offer to help in that area. Maybe that means coming over to rake their leaves, help plan an event or just grabbing lunch together.

I believe that the best and most valuable learning doesn’t happen in the classroom, but in those little, unplanned moments when a simple question is asked, an object lesson is drawn or a situation is handled. So don’t think you’re wasting time by doing seemingly ordinary or mundane things together. You never know what you’ll learn or what stories you’ll hear.

What about mentorship? What benefits does mentorship have? Would you say it’s as important to search out someone to mentor as it is to find a mentor for oneself?

Yes, I would definitely say that mentoring someone is just as important as being mentored!. So far, I’ve been talking about cross-generational relationships with those that are older, but relationships with those that are younger are just as important!

I can’t speak enough about mentorship, it is has been one of the biggest blessings in my life (both as a recipient and a giver). I first discovered mentorship when I mentored a young man to become a leader for our campus ministries club. Watching him grow, sitting with him through difficulties, praying for him and sharing what I’ve learned has blessed me in so many ways. Not only has it made me intentional about everything I do (because I am being observed), but it also gives me a greater purpose than just living for myself. You grow from the experience and it is hard to put to words exactly what happens when you engage in these kinds of relationships, but it truly changes you.

These days, I’m always intentional about having a mentor in an area that I want to grow in. Having a mentor is so valuable because you are able to go to them with your questions, have no shame over your doubts and learn things that you can’t find in textbooks or online. In the same way, I’m always looking for someone to invest time and effort into. You won’t reap the full blessings of mentorship until you’ve both been a mentor and a mentee.

What would you say to encourage someone who is struggling in this area of their life; whether wanting to begin cross-generational relationships, mentorship or even becoming a mentor?

To those who are looking for a mentor, do not be afraid to be vulnerable enough to ask for help. Maybe, there is no one in your life that you can ask to mentor you, perhaps this means sending out an email to someone you’ve never met or asking for friends to tell you of people they know. In either case, it takes courage to ask for help, but the rewards are so worth it!

There are people who want to be a mentor, but feel like they have nothing to share. A good thing to try is to begin journaling and being intentional about noticing the lessons you’ve learned in life or the growth/progress you’ve made. Your story is an incredible resource of wisdom that you can share with others.

Look at the people in your circle and see if God is putting someone as a burden on your heart to spend time with. Investing in people is one of the most incredible things you will ever do.

---

What about you? Were you inspired by this post? Have you had, or have you been a mentor? Why don't you tell me about it in the comments, and connect with me on social media?

(Don't forget to use the hashtag #WomenOfIntention16 so no one misses it!)

Women of Intention Week Nine: Friendships

Welcome to week nine of the series, Women of Intention! We are just over halfway through and Maple Alps will continue to feature a woman every week who will talk about intentionality in specific areas in her life. So glad you've decided to stop by! For more information, and a list of topics, visit our introduction post HERE. 

---

THIS WEEK'S INTENTIONAL WOMAN:

Today, we are going to meet Andrea of Empty Plate, Full Heart, a blog full of inspiring stories and the like!

Friendship may not always be something we think about intentionally, and that is exactly where Andrea comes in today! She has some great thoughts and experiences in having intentional friendships and has a lot to share!

After reading this post, be sure to check out her blog and share this post :)

Find Andrea on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

---

Tell us a bit about yourself: What are your passions, work and interests?

My name is Andrea Stunz. I am the wife of one, mom of three, mother in law of two and grandmother of one (hoping for more!). I am originally from South Texas but have lived and traveled to the tune of a very fat passport. I love good food and good coffee and I find so much hope in every sunrise.

I feel like in all of the callings God has placed on my life, He has serendipitously worked many of them out through my role as a mom. Motherhood comes naturally. Marriage is a bit more challenging. That being said, my husband and I, through a lot of hard work and God’s amazing grace, have been married for over 27 years now.

As I approach the bi-centennial age bracket, I’m learning that a shared page in my story can encourage someone else to turn the page in theirs. This plays into my calling as a writer. As I am entering my empty nest years, I have asked myself the question more than once what I want to be when I grow up. God has clearly confirmed to me that I have words to be shared and that quite possibly, someone out there may need to read them.

I love capturing moments in time through the camera lens. My adventurous spirit comes from a deep desire to see, taste, hear, smell and touch everything that God has created. I simply can’t get enough of His creation story.

Would you say that being intentional in friendships is important? What are the benefits?

This is an interesting question for me. I’ve moved often throughout my life so cultivating friendships (finding them, keeping them and losing them) has always been a major part of who I am. Add to the mix that I am an introvert by any and all definitions so this is where relationships get tricky. Being intentional in making friends has always been important but keeping them is what becomes the challenge.

 The benefits of being intentional in our friendships are immeasurable. The bottom line is that if you don’t want to be lonely, you simply must be intentional about making and keep friends. It might take a quick “I’m thinking about you!” text or an email or a long lunch together but putting the first foot forward is crucial. Always remember that we must be the kind of friend we want to have.

Were you always intentional in your friendships? If so, why? If not, what made that change?

I have not always been intentional in my friendships or most of my relationships, if I’m honest with you. As I mentioned before, I am an introvert. I like being alone. I am recharged by being alone. I guess the first time I remember being very purposeful about making friends was when we moved overseas. I knew that my bent would be to stay at home and live with my family in my known and safe environment. I also knew that this wouldn’t work for me. I wanted to have a life more than I wanted to be alone. I joined an American women’s organization with the sole purpose of exploring and learning new things. It would also prove to force me to be around other people. I didn’t necessarily make any great new friends through that but it was a good way for me to be intentional. It got me out of my cocoon.

Another time of change for me in being intentional in friendship was during a season of personal brokenness. I lost a few friends during that season because quite honestly, I wasn’t able to be a very good friend. I was in survival mode and there was very little margin for fluff relationships. It turned out to be a good weeding in my life and the friendships that stuck, those who were intentional in keeping me, taught me so much about how to be a better friend. The friends who stuck with me during that time and helped and encouraged and stayed, they mean the world to me. I long to mean the world to someone else in that same way, to be that kind of friend. 

What would you say to encourage someone who is struggling with intentionality in this area of their life?

 If you’re struggling to find friends or keep friends, take a look at the kind of friend you are. Be the kind of friend you want to have. Grasping this in my life was such a turning point. Take a look at the kind of people you are hanging around with. Someone once told me that we become like the 5 people we hang around with the most. Who do you want to become? Narrow your focus to finding those 5 people or those 5 types of people. If we are constantly looking for others to come to us, to fill us rather than the focus being on us filling others then we will likely live unfulfilled and disappointed. We should make the effort to become someone we would like if we expect others to like us too. Simply profound.

Be the friend you want to have. History has proven to me that in doing so, friends will find you!

---

What about you? What helps you be intentional in your friendships? Why don't you tell us about it in the comments, and connect with us on social media?

(Don't forget to use the hashtag #WomenOfIntention16 so no one misses it!)

Women of Intention Week Four: Family

Welcome to week four of the series, Women of Intention! Over the next fifteen weeks, Maple Alps will feature a woman who will talk about intentionality in specific areas in her life. So glad you've decided to stop by! For more information, and a list of topics, visit our introduction post HERE. 

---

This week's Intentional Woman:

Today, we are talking with Justine: blogger and owner of Little Dove Creations, an adorable homemade apparel and accessory shop!

Justine is an amazing wife and mother and I am excited to share her interview with you today!

Once you're done reading, be sure to not only check out her shop and blog, Little Dove Blog, but also share your thoughts (and if you want, the post too!).

Find Justine on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

---

Tell Us A Bit About Yourself: What are your passions, work and interests?

I love to bake yummy things, make pretty things, watch funny things, and read clever things. Most of my “spare time” right now is spent on my business—Little Dove Creations—where I blog and create unique and custom clothing for tiny babes all the way to adults.

I truly thought a lot about this question and I really feel like my passions all come back to one thing… wanting to be a better person; wanting to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

I love to bake and create yummy things in the kitchen. Why? Because I love to do that service for my family. I love to create and craft and DIY. Why? Because I strive to make our home a fun, functional, and inspirational space for our family. I love to work on my blog and my online shop. Why? Because it pushes me and tests my limits. I believe that all these things are helping me to be a better person and that is why I’m passionate about them.

As a mother and wife, why would you say intentionality within the family context is important? How does that practically look for your family?

One day I was sitting on the couch with my children—I don’t remember why; it’s very rare that I’m sitting on the couch in the middle of the day. My three year old came over asking me for a hug and to sit in my lap. I pulled her into my lap and then picked up my phone to scroll through my email and Instagram feed—you know, the important stuff—when she whipped her head around and said, “Put the phone down!” I had been chastised by my own daughter for not being present in the moment, for not being intentional with my time.

Time passes by so quickly. The time when your children are small is especially fleeting. That is why it is so vital to a happy and healthy family relationship to know what is important and to make that your focus. Sounds easy enough, right? But life, as it so often does, gets in the way. Especially in today’s world of technology and social media screaming at us from every direction, it is easy to get lost in a fog and realize that your actions are no longer pointing towards your ultimate goal anymore.

The first thing you have to know is what your goal is. For us a major goal is family time. This includes spending more time together, enjoying being with each other, and being kinder with each other… something that I have learned is that sometimes quantity DOES matter more than quality. As in the above example, my daughter just wanted to sit in my lap. She wasn’t asking for a story to be read (in fact, I think she was watching a cartoon); she wasn’t asking for me to spend time working on an art project; she wasn’t asking for me to make her a snack; she wasn’t asking for ANYTHING other than for me to make a small space in my present moment (and lap) for her.

I imagine with four little ones, things tend to get a little crazy at times. How do you stay mindful when situations that are more stressful arise?

Somebody once told my husband that we had too many kids. I’ll let that sink in for a minute.

Our kids—as wonderful as they are—are far from perfect and our lives are pretty chaotic. However, I don’t believe your family planning is anyone else’s business as long as everyone is financially and emotionally cared for. The funny thing is that in those particularly trying times when I feel like I’m going to lose it, oftentimes it’s my kids that bring me back down and center my focus.

I think that my Heavenly Father knew I’d need help so he sent me my sweet son (who can melt my heart with a hug), my eldest daughter (who calls me to repentance with her words), my two year old little ham (who helps me remember to find the humour in situations and remember what actually matters), and my baby girl (who is a daily reminder that I’ve been entrusted with a great responsibility).

How else does your mindfulness translate into your every-day activities and work?

One of the things that I’ve been working on lately is separating my work and home life. I have to remember that my first and greatest job title is that of mother; it’s really more than a job as I see it as my calling here on earth. My other job (blogger, small business owner) should come second to that—always.

This balancing act used to be easier when all my kids were still napping, but now that two out of four don’t and the blogging is taking up more time… it’s a struggle; one that I’m continually battling with since I don’t want to miss my children’s childhood because I was sitting behind a computer screen.

For me I know I need to distance myself from my phone and computer more when my family is around. Simple things like folding laundry in the same room as my children rather than away in a room, or REALLY trying to not work on computer stuff while my kids are awake and active are good jumping off points to being more present and intentional with our family time.

What would you say to encourage someone who is struggling with intentionality in the area of family in their life?

Nobody is perfect; we are all just a work in progress. I’d been tricked (as I think many of us are) into thinking that the only moments with our kids that count are the “Instagram worthy” ones—the snapshots of frosting cookies with our children or taking them on walks to the park for a nature scavenger hunt. Don’t get me wrong, those things are wonderful! But what our kids (especially our young ones) need is quite simply our time; as much time as possible.

I think we all have our own “ah-ha” moment, where we realize that we will never be perfect or have perfect lives, perfect houses, or perfect kids. That’s just not reality—that is not the reason we’ve been sent to this earth. We were sent here to learn and grow. It’s very freeing when you have that moment! Once you realize that, then I think you enjoy being with your kids more; you enjoy being more present and intentional with your time. So give your kids all the time you can before they stop asking for it, okay?

---

What about you? Are you intentional in your family setting? Why don't you tell us about it in the comments, or connect with us on social media?

(Don't forget to use the hashtag #WomenOfIntention16 so no one misses it!)

Women of Intention Week Three: Intentional Marriage & [Romantic] Relationships

Welcome to week three of the series, Women of Intention! Over the next fifteen weeks, Maple Alps will feature a woman who will talk about intentionality in specific areas in her life. We are all so glad you've decided to stop by! For more information, and a list of topics, visit our introduction post HERE. 

---

This week's Intentional Woman:

Today, we are talking with the one and only Toya Carter of Mrs. Toya Carter! 

She has a wealth of knowledge, holding a Master's in counseling and 10 years of experience, and I'm so glad she was more than willing to talk with us today!

Once you're done reading, be sure to not only check out her blog, but share your thoughts (and if you want, the post too!).

Find Toya on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

---

Tell us a bit about yourself: What are you passions, work and interests?

Hi, I am Toya, a wife, mom, therapist, coach, blogger, author, and speaker. I wear many hats. I am passionate about relationships, mental health, and self-care. I am a relationship and empowerment coach specializing in helping women to walk and live in their purpose while still excelling in their romantic relationships.

Among other things on your blog, you talk about marriage. What would you say are some practical ways in which we can be intentional in marriage?

First it starts with wanting a great marriage. When you decide you want a great marriage doing the work to make your marriage great feels less like a chore, and more like a choice. Then I suggest thinking about what you can do to improve in your marriage right now. Is it more communication, sex, money? Whatever it is I would start there and work to make improvements daily. For example, if it is sex incorporate sex into your week on purpose. If it is communication make it a point to have a conversation with your husband uninterrupted to simply check in and see how he is doing or how you can support him. At my house we “go dark for dinner.” This means no phones or other technology while we are having dinner. You would be surprised how much more you have to say when you are not staring in your phone. The best thing you can do is figure out what you are lacking and work diligently to improve it.

What do you tell your clients who are not being intentional in their romantic relationships? 

We have to be intentional with our relationships, because being intentional dictates our behaviour. For example if I only want to be your friend I am not going to approach or interact with you like I would if I wanted to be romantically involved with you. This is a hard concept for some people to grasp. They think it makes you sound too calculated, or as if you are manipulative. I disagree. Being intentional in your relationships allows you to save time. If you do not see a relationship going anywhere, platonic or otherwise, do not waste your time. Time is a commodity you can never get back.

If we thought of all our past relationships that did not work, I am sure we saw signs. Signs that he/she just wasn’t the one. This doesn’t mean they were bad people it means they were not for us. I tell my single clients all the time to date a person who wants what they want. If the ultimate goal is to get married, dating an emotionally unavailable man, or a man who has told you he does not want to get married is a waste of time. Instead intentionally date a man who is seeking a wife.

How would you say being intentional in your marriage has benefited you and your husband personally?

The intimacy, physical and otherwise, is better. I feel like we are more in tuned with one another because we work at it. We know we are blessed to have each other so we take care of one another.

What would you say to encourage someone who is struggling with intentionality in this area of their life?

I would say to first pray about it. Then get really clear about what it is that you are struggling with. To combat a problem, you have to know what it is. For example, if you are feeling disconnected from your husband work daily to get the connection back. A couple of options are increase text messages throughout the day, or go on a date somewhere he will enjoy. Set the intention to have an outstanding marriage and then make it happen. Write down what an outstanding marriage looks like to you and work toward it daily. Writing it down makes it real, and it can help with clarity. 

---

What about you? Are you intentional about your marriage? Why don't you tell us about it in the comments, or connect with us on social media?

(Don't forget to use the hashtag #WomenOfIntention16 so no one misses it!)

The Truth About Long Distance Relationships

I don't know that I’m a master of long distance relationships, but the truth of it is, I’ve been in all sorts of them for years. I went to school abroad, which means my family was always a long distance away (not to mention my close friends) and I dated an Austrian long distance for 3 years (which ended, thankfully, in marriage! Bam! Didn’t see that one coming, did you?). After that, we moved to a place where none of our family or close childhood friends live. So, long distance relationships are kind of my life.

I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time (even before Maple Alps was born), and after several different requests, I’ve finally decided to sit down and write out a few thoughts. Later, I’ll post some practical ways to deal with long distance relationships, but today, I wanted to share the things Long Distance taught and solidified in me.

Note: In today’s post, when I address long distance, I will be talking about all sorts of relationships - not exclusively dating ones. But don’t worry, we’ll get to those ;-)

Communication is Much More than Words

You have probably heard that communication is only 7% verbal (a 'fact' being questioned), but the main point is, regardless of the numbers, communication is more nonverbal than verbal. I'm not dismissing a good letter or phone call (both important means of communicating long distance), but thankfully, we now have Skype and FaceTime.

Be Thankful for the Season You Are In

There were times when it was frustrating that I could not just drive a few minutes and be at the door of someone I knew well. But I learned to be thankful for the season I was in and embraced it! Taking time to meet new people, make new friends and explore my borders was worth it

Be Independent and Be You

It was kind of shocking to find myself in a place where none of my family history or current associations were known. I didn’t have anyone’s preconceived ideas of who or what I should be based on where I was from, and was able to really find who I was in the Lord. When you don’t have your friends, family or significant other around as a crutch, you have to just be...you (gasp!). I mean, who else will you be? Some lose their sense of identity, but instead of letting this happen, why not take advantage of it and find out who you are? I struggled with this for a short time, but I soon found a sense of freedom. Now that I've established myself as an individual, I have no problem just being me.

Things Change When You're Away

Things are never as you left them. Siblings grow taller and more mature, parents sprout a few more grey hairs, grandparents slow down, and friends make new friends. People move. People die. People give birth. When I realized that not all changes were pleasant, and hardly any of them were expected, it helped to remember that I had changed a lot too.

We Are All in a Long Distance Relationship

With the one who loves us the most. With our Creator, Redeemer and Best Friend. This was one of the things that hit me the hardest while going through this process. I always wondered how I could have such a close relationship with someone I never saw, and it wasn’t until I moved away from those I love that I understood. God loves us so much and wants a real relationship with us! The effort that goes into maintaining my other [long distance] relationships should be dim in comparison with the efforts with Him. The one thing that's different about this relationship, though, is that He never is actually far away. 

---

So the truth about long distance relationships is basically that they're awful and awesome at the same time. Then again, everything is what you make it. That is to say: you get out what you put in!

What about you? Are you, or have you been, in a long distance relationship? What did you learn?

---