The Crucial Element in a Long Distance Relationship

Question: What was the crucial element that helped your long distance relationship?

I guess quite a few of you must be in long distance relationships, because I get this question quite often. In a globalized world, I suppose dating or even being married long distance is getting more common.

Let’s see…

My husband and I spent 3 years in a long distance relationship before getting engaged. With the Atlantic Ocean between us, it did not always make it easy (or affordable for students - which we were at the time) to spend time with each other in person. We calculated it the other day, and the time spent face-to-face during that time added up to between 7 and 8 months. While that is not a lot, we did talk almost every day.

Modern technology is fantastic for that and allowed us to stay in almost constant communication (as constant as an 8-hour time difference can allow for anyway…). If it wasn’t letter writing and emails, we could text and video chat - something our parents were not able to do in their own long distance relationships!

Did I mention that even our parents did the same crazy thing? Must be genetic.

Anyhow, despite a large time difference, insane cultural differences, and the fact that we were on different continents, it all still somehow worked out.

To answer your question, there were several factors that affected our successful (in my eyes) long distance relationship. I actually wrote a blog post about it a while ago called, “The Three C’s of Long Distance Dating.” You’ll have to visit to find out what those C’s are and to find some really fun ideas for your own long distance relationship.

But really it all boiled down to intentionality.

I know I use that word a lot, and it’s the theme of this entire website, but it really is true.

Intentionality was the one crucial element that helped our long distance relationship. We chose to make it work, which made every element something we intentionally thought about. Before we even started dating, we knew we were in it for the goal of marriage - and if that didn’t happen, that was okay. But we didn’t see the point of even going through such an ordeal without a goal in mind. What good would that have been?

We intentionally talked about core values with each other, but most importantly, we really tried to intentionally keep our relationship a God-centered one.

Practically, we had to be sure we were reaching out to each other and that the limited time we had to talk was used wisely and we were not distracted with other things. I’m not even kidding when I say that we often created agendas as if we were entering a board meeting before talking. That way we didn’t forget what we needed to share or talk about. There were several resources we used and developed to guide our conversations as well.

All of this is not to say that we have stopped being intentional in our relationship now that we are married - not at all! It’s just that intentionality in our relationship looks a tad different now that we are married.

But more on that dynamic in a different post!

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Have you been in/are you in a long distance relationship? What was the crucial element that helped you?

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What Happened When We Created a Phone-Free Zone

When I was studying abroad and learning German, I decided to make my dorm room an English-free zone. I even made signs and put them on my door and bulletin board, just in case my roommate was tempted to practice her English on me (she never was…).

While my German-speaking husband would love it if we had an English-Free zone in our house (hehe, I’m totally rusty), I somehow convinced him to instead make our bedroom a phone-free zone. It took quite a bit convincing, but we finally managed to do it. For one month, no phones of any sort were allowed to enter our bedroom-at all. And honestly, it was the best thing we could have done - especially since the month we chose was an extremely busy one (you’ll read why in a few paragraphs).

I thought that today I would share what happened during this experiment. At first, I was not sure what exactly to expect, but everything I experienced was extremely positive. Spoiler alert: I’d do it again!

Phone alarms could still be heard outside the door. The predominant argument that was brought up when I suggested a phone-free bedroom was that my husband uses his phone as an alarm clock. Now, alarm clocks are quite inexpensive and not hard to locate, but for whatever reason, we opt to use our phones instead. I’m more or less a minimalist - I get it - so I suggested just laying our phones outside the door. Guess what? We could still hear the alarms in the morning. Besides that, one was forced to physically get up if they wanted to hit the snooze button. Helped the waking-up process a tad anyway since you were that much closer to the bathroom. I actually use a silent alarm on my Fitbit because I wake up so early, so this was not a huge issue for me.

Pillow-talk replaced pre-bed scrolling. I suppose I should mention that on top of eliminating phones from our space, we also agreed to go to bed at roughly the same time (which was a real feat!). Instead of the usual [mostly mindless] scrolling and not talking to each other before praying together and drifting to sleep, we were actually able to talk and tell each other about our days. It was nice to connect in this way, as we are both extremely busy people. There would be weeks during the school year where we would go days without seeing each other or speaking much (the pastor-teacher combination is not really the most ideal at times). This really helped us to be grounded at the end of the day and to not waste any time.

Our space became special. Because we were not letting distractions from everywhere imaginable into our room, it almost seemed like a more special place. A place where the outside world could not get in. A place of refuge from the interruptions and the noise. I’ll add a note here that our phones were not allowed in at any time of the day, so it was always nice and still! I thought that I would miss listening to music or podcasts while sitting in bed, but I really didn’t. I had the rest of the day for that, so it was a nice way to wind down.

I started to read [print] again. Without the temptation of a phone on my bedside table, the pile of books I had been intending to read started getting shorter and shorter. I decided on a few that I was not interested in, and picked up some really great reads! I was able to actually re-house a few of them back in my bookshelf. I also felt kind of fancy reading or browsing magazines in bed. Am I the only one who feels fancy when doing this? Perhaps you shouldn’t answer that…

Honestly, after the month was up and phones came back into the bedroom, I was mostly disappointed. While I do try to be more intentional about not letting it take over, I do want to go back to making a phone-free zone again. It’s easy to fall back into the mindless scroll trap and lose time you will never ever get back.

All in all, it’s nice to set aside the device after using it all day. It’s a fantastic way to end each evening.

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I’d highly recommend this experiment to anyone! I’d love to hear how it goes for you!

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Minimalism Essentials

In the wise words of Helen Keller:

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

Although we live in an era when consumerism and all things fast and instant have taken over the world, there are still those who want to be more with less. It may sound depressing, but let’s look at it as an opportunity, instead!

This is our chance to overcome all the trendy cravings and enjoy true diversity of life without the need to possess. So, in an effort to make things simpler, the following list can be your own little to-do on your journey to becoming a minimalist!

Photo by Yoann Siloine on Unsplash

A Decluttering Mindset

Yes, spring is your go-to time to empty those drawers, donate those shoes and jeans, but in order to enjoy a simpler life, decluttering should be more of a permanent mindset. A way of being, if you will. Instead of constant hoarding, which is yet another consequence of consumerism, do your best to give and share. What may be just another pair of socks to you can be someone’s lifesaver during a cold winter day!

Do your best not to constantly postpone decisions for later. That’s how we end up keeping an excess of things which we don’t need and we don’t use at all. If it has a purpose, or even several of them, preferably, keep it! If it sits idly in your home, ditch it!

Photo by Alex Loup on Unsplash

Decorate with Meaning

There’s a common misconception that a minimalist home is void of all personal things, and contains very few furniture pieces. Of course that you should pick your furniture according to purpose, but it’s no reason to keep character and charisma out of the process! In fact, in a minimalist home, those items that have the most emotional and personal value truly get to stand out, as there will be no clutter to suffocate their meaning.

If it was a gift from someone you cherish, or an item with a deep spiritual meaning for you, by all means, keep it, make it the focal point of your home! Add color and texture, play with styles, but don’t stuff your room just because.

Photo by Chua Bing Quan on Unsplash

Slow Down Your Style

Fast fashion is one of the cornerstones of consumerism, and as such, it deserves to be banished from our look-books for good. It’s great if you want to refresh your wardrobe with an occasional new item that is a reflection of your personal preferences, but we still haven’t seen anything defeat the little black dress in the quest of elegance.

The same goes for other multifunctional pieces such as the Birkenstock Arizona sandals, which are considered a staple of comfort-wear, and a timeless classic among footwear. Go for durable, long-lasting items, not just in terms of trends, but also in terms of quality, so that you can wear your stylish clothes for years on end!

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Simplify Your Menu

Another common item on the list we tend to complicate is our eating regime. We buy so many products that are disguised as quick and easy, such as pre-prepared meals, and a whole slew of processed snacks. They might be fine as an occasional indulgence, but in order to lead a healthy, simple life, we should nourish our bodies with whole foods with minimal processing.

Fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds in their natural form are the best possible sources of vitamins and minerals that sustain our immune system and protect us from diseases. Add to that lean sources of protein, and you can easily mix and match a versatile menu without resorting to overly-processed foods laden with chemicals.

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

Invest in Sustainable Self-Growth

Curiosity and learning are the basis of progress, however, the means to an end should matter as much as the end itself. If you’re an avid reader, which is an exceptional quality you should nurture within yourself, you can still continue to expand your library without actually buying physical books. Instead, you can get an e-reader such as Kindle that uses e-ink, it stores around two thousand books, and it’s an excellent choice for reducing eye strain.

You’ll be able to help save the environment, as this is a far more sustainable way to expand your library than to support deforestation for the purpose of printing.

Finally, it’s vital to remember that there is no minimalist template that fits us all. You should strive to find your own, keep your mind open, and find the best possible ways to simplify your life, help preserve our planet, and enjoy your existence to the fullest!

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Claire is a blogger and a Bachelor of Design from Brisbane, Australia. She is an aesthetic lover focused on meaningful living. She writes about fashion, art and consumers' habits in order to encourage her readers to live sustainably.

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Intentionality Spotlight: Blog Love: Embrace Purity

Today, I am excited to introduce you to one of my friends, Kayla of Embrace Purity. I met Kayla this summer and was blown away at how someone so young was so full of Jesus’ love! I hope you enjoy getting to know her in our Intentionality Spotlight segment as much as I have!

First some easy stuff: Tell us a bit about yourself. What is your work, your passions and interests?

My greatest passion is reaching out to the hurting and sharing the hope of Jesus. I’m a freelance writer who loves music, reading, and spending time with the people (and animals) I love. I’ve been homeschooled for the last 6 years and love it! My biggest goal in life is to use my gifts and talents to point others to Christ.

I love that your blog is about embracing purity in all areas of life! What is the story behind how your blog was started, and how has that changed over time? What is your goal and has that goal developed?

Writing has always been a part of me. When I was little, I often made up short stories and kept journals. Along with that, I had a real desire to make a difference in people’s lives. It wasn’t until 2016 that I realized writing could be more than simply a hobby. In fact, I could even combine writing and my desire to help others!

That year, a blogging class was being offered at my co-op. That’s when I started “Embrace Purity”. Though I didn’t know much, at the beginning, I knew I wanted to use my blog to point other young women toward Christ. Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to write articles for multiple platforms including other websites and a magazine.

I now have the opportunity to expand my ministry to both young women and young men! Later this year, I will be launching “Rescued with Purpose”, a ministry all about trusting God and getting serious about living for Him.

I definitely want to keep “Embrace Purity” up and running, so I will be transferring it to “Rescued with Purpose”, where it will have its own section. I can’t wait to see what God will do!

As a young woman, who writes for other young women, where do you get the inspiration for the topics? Is it hard, or does it come easily?

If you take a look around, it doesn’t take long to realize that there are countless young women who are struggling. Most of my inspiration comes from observing and listening. I’ve had many conversations with girls who feel alone, worthless, and burnt-out on life. I truly believe that God’s word is equipped to help us in any situation. That’s why I put time and energy into my writing!

Whenever I hit writer's’ block, I often look back to books or articles I’ve read and get more ideas!

What is one other specific area in your life you find that intentionality is absolutely critical? How do you exercise mindfulness in it?

I find that intentionality is absolutely critical when it comes to saying “yes” to God. For the longest time, I claimed to have faith, but I was still letting fear run my life. Though I knew there were certain things that the Holy Spirit wanted me to do, I often ignored it if it was outside my comfort zone.

When I decided to start saying yes to God, I realized that true joy comes from fully trusting God to keep His promises! Now, I’m able to experience the life God wants for me: one of fullness, freedom, and joy.

If you could give one piece of advice about saying "yes" to God to someone who struggles with it, what would you tell them?

Take it day by day. Sometimes, God calls us to do things that seem scary or hard. It isn’t always easy to listen when He asks us to go outside our comfort zones.

The first step is when the Holy Spirit impresses you to do something (sharing your faith, confronting a friend, overcoming a specific sin, etc), decide beforehand that you will say yes and do it, even if it’s hard.

Remember that you’re not alone in this journey. We’ve all struggled with fear, at one time or another. When you choose to start saying yes to God, your faith can only become stronger!

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Find Kayla at her blog, on Facebook, or on Instagram.

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Easy Thai Red Curry

When I went to school in Tennessee, there was this Thai place that I went to a few times. The curry was to die for. It came surrounding this adorable little cake-shaped rice mound, and I loved every bite of it. I naturally tried to recreate it when I got back to my apartment and I've been making this curry (or a similar version of it) ever since.

Here's the thing: I'm terrible at writing recipes for cooking because I don't really follow them. I just kind of taste as I go. I'm trying to be more intentional about writing down the recipes that come to my mind. As I mentioned, this red curry is one that I've been making for a while, but always just kind of went along with whatever was in my fridge (I can't be the only one who does this though, so I don't feel too bad). It's perfect for leftover veggies or veggies you have no idea what to do with. I think it's pretty much impossible to mess this one up! I like broccoli in it, but this one has peppers, onions and carrots!

The secret is the homemade red curry paste. It contains most of the spices you are going to need. It's easy to make and I keep some frozen in the freezer in 1 TBSP sections to use at a moment's notice. Fun fact: I only have a moose-shaped ice cube tray, so my curry bag is full of little moose friends. It puts a smile on my face anyway.

This meal is simple and delicious. It's quick to whip up and tastes delicious on rice or even noodles if that is what floats your boat!

Related: Vegan Pad Thai

Easy Thai Red Curry
Serves about 6

what you need:

1 large red pepper, sliced
1 large yellow pepper, sliced
1 yellow onion, sliced
1 large carrot, sliced in long strips
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 TBSP maple syrup
3 TBSP red curry paste
1 tsp fresh grated ginger
Juice from half a lime
1 can coconut milk
Sea Salt to taste
Cilantro and onion to garnish

what to do:

1) With a little water add the onion to a large saucepan. Cook about 5 minutes until tender.

2) Add the peppers and carrots and red thai curry and cook until the vegetables are well coated.

3) Add ginger, lime, maple syrup, and garlic.

4) Pour in the coconut milk and cook a few more minutes until the sauce coats a spoon.

5) Adjust your seasonings - adding salt if need be.

6) Garnish with green onion and cilantro and serve with fresh wedges of lime over a bed of rice or noodles!

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What are some of your favourite quick and easy dinners?

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