Welcome to week three of the series, Women of Intention! Over the next fifteen weeks, Maple Alps will feature a woman who will talk about intentionality in specific areas in her life. We are all so glad you've decided to stop by! For more information, and a list of topics, visit our introduction post HERE.
This week's Intentional Woman:
Today, we are talking with the one and only Toya Carter of Mrs. Toya Carter!
She has a wealth of knowledge, holding a Master's in counseling and 10 years of experience, and I'm so glad she was more than willing to talk with us today!
Once you're done reading, be sure to not only check out her blog, but share your thoughts (and if you want, the post too!).
Tell us a bit about yourself: What are you passions, work and interests?
Hi, I am Toya, a wife, mom, therapist, coach, blogger, author, and speaker. I wear many hats. I am passionate about relationships, mental health, and self-care. I am a relationship and empowerment coach specializing in helping women to walk and live in their purpose while still excelling in their romantic relationships.
Among other things on your blog, you talk about marriage. What would you say are some practical ways in which we can be intentional in marriage?
First it starts with wanting a great marriage. When you decide you want a great marriage doing the work to make your marriage great feels less like a chore, and more like a choice. Then I suggest thinking about what you can do to improve in your marriage right now. Is it more communication, sex, money? Whatever it is I would start there and work to make improvements daily. For example, if it is sex incorporate sex into your week on purpose. If it is communication make it a point to have a conversation with your husband uninterrupted to simply check in and see how he is doing or how you can support him. At my house we “go dark for dinner.” This means no phones or other technology while we are having dinner. You would be surprised how much more you have to say when you are not staring in your phone. The best thing you can do is figure out what you are lacking and work diligently to improve it.
What do you tell your clients who are not being intentional in their romantic relationships?
We have to be intentional with our relationships, because being intentional dictates our behaviour. For example if I only want to be your friend I am not going to approach or interact with you like I would if I wanted to be romantically involved with you. This is a hard concept for some people to grasp. They think it makes you sound too calculated, or as if you are manipulative. I disagree. Being intentional in your relationships allows you to save time. If you do not see a relationship going anywhere, platonic or otherwise, do not waste your time. Time is a commodity you can never get back.
If we thought of all our past relationships that did not work, I am sure we saw signs. Signs that he/she just wasn’t the one. This doesn’t mean they were bad people it means they were not for us. I tell my single clients all the time to date a person who wants what they want. If the ultimate goal is to get married, dating an emotionally unavailable man, or a man who has told you he does not want to get married is a waste of time. Instead intentionally date a man who is seeking a wife.
How would you say being intentional in your marriage has benefited you and your husband personally?
The intimacy, physical and otherwise, is better. I feel like we are more in tuned with one another because we work at it. We know we are blessed to have each other so we take care of one another.
What would you say to encourage someone who is struggling with intentionality in this area of their life?
I would say to first pray about it. Then get really clear about what it is that you are struggling with. To combat a problem, you have to know what it is. For example, if you are feeling disconnected from your husband work daily to get the connection back. A couple of options are increase text messages throughout the day, or go on a date somewhere he will enjoy. Set the intention to have an outstanding marriage and then make it happen. Write down what an outstanding marriage looks like to you and work toward it daily. Writing it down makes it real, and it can help with clarity.
What about you? Are you intentional about your marriage? Why don't you tell us about it in the comments, or connect with us on social media?
(Don't forget to use the hashtag #WomenOfIntention16 so no one misses it!)